Shes afraid of giving you a second chance because she still doesnt understand why you blew the first one. She doesnt understand what exactly went down; why you stopped calling, why you backed off, why you never dedicated her close or why you suddenly changed your mind. She thinks you’re treating her like shes your alternative. She thinks you came back because its only convenient for you or because you just want to know for sure that she still cares.
Shes afraid of giving you a second chance because shes still not sure about how “youre feeling”, she doesnt understanding your intentions, she doesnt know what you want from her anymore. Shes frightened that if she gives you a second chance, shed be blowing a first opportunity with someone else. Someone who didnt screw things up, someone who deserves the time you wasted.
Shes afraid of giving you a second chance because every time she dedicated someone a second chance, they taught her why she shouldnt, they repeated the same misstep, they hurt her again .
Shes afraid of giving you a second chance because you havent really proved that you deserve it. Youre not trying hard enough, youre not showing her that she matters, youre not devoting her the security she needs to know that you will not hurt her again. Shes afraid youre still the same person and she doesnt want to be fooled twice.
Shes afraid of giving you a second chance because shes Shes tired of devoting opportunities that people take for granted, shes tired of giving love to those who cant love her back, shes tired of being there for people who let her down and shes tired of being told that she should stop looking back and that she shouldnt go back to who hurt her.
Shes afraid of giving you a second chance because she cant forget what you did, she cant forget the pain. Your face reminds her of her tears. Your sudden presence now reminds her of your absence. Your texts remind her of all the messages you ignored. Your hug reminds her of the times she required you and you werent there .
Shes afraid that she wont be herself with you because she cant forget the ache. Shes afraid she wont be able to fully love you because part of her is still cautious and skeptical. Shes afraid she wont be her loving ego because you transgressed her and maybe shes still mending the pieces and she cant give you her all anymore.
Rania Naim is a poet and writer of the new book, available here.
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