Things I Wish I Had Told My Dad

Annie Spratt

Dear Dad,

I have no idea how many times I have still tried calling you, before realizing I can never call you again. How many times I have broken down on the floor, crying praying for you not to give me up. But you were already run. There are so many things I have always wanted to tell you. To ask you. To apologize for. What was your life like before “youve had” me? What were your dreamings? Your ambitions? What did you dislike? Sometimes I feel like I didn’t even actually know who you were as a person. You were just my father. I didn’t think you had a normal life before me. You were just always my papa.

I am sorry for not chuckling harder at all of your goofy jokes. I am sorry for dismissing you sometimes. I am sorry for being angry sometimes. I am very sorry I told you I detest you once. I am sorry for all the misunderstandings.I am sorry I never actually apologized for any of that. I am sorry for not telling you, why you had hurt me. I am sorry for not being here for you, when you got sick.

Why didn’t I ever tell you that I forgave you?

How unfair that your time was cut short. You will never be able to see your daughter alumnu from university, meet the right guy and get married. You won’t be able to dance with me on my bridal day. You won’t be able to disapprove or support my decisions. You won’t be able to witness the birth and life of your grandchildren.

How I wish I could turn back hour, in order to tell you how much I love you. How much I am sorry for all the things I said or didn’t say. How much I am sorry for not calling you back before you left us.

I miss listening to old music with you. I miss your laugh. Your goofy humor. Your face. Your hugs. Oh, how I miss you.

I am the old soul I am today, because of you. Thank you for being my dad. Thank you for loving me, the best way you knew how. I love you.

We’ll ensure one another again one day.

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