Im going to start by polishing all the pieces you polluted with your thoughts, your words and your constant criticism. Im going to take all these pieces you wanted me to get rid of and find a place for them again. Find a for them again.
Im going to spit out all the words that I swallowed to stimulate you happy. Im going to speak more clearly now. Im going to be louder than ever. Im going to be more assertive because I dont care if you doubt me anymore. I dont care about how you ensure me anymore. Ive always been invisible to you and its time to stop fighting for your attention or your love.
Im going to smile at the things you told me not to smile about. Im going to love the person or persons you told me were wrong for me. Im going to take all the bad advice you gave me and do the exact opposite because I realized that you werent telling me whats best for me, you were telling me whats best for you. It was always about you and now its time to do whats best for me .
Im going to love all the imperfections you pointed out so accurately. Im going to stop taunt myself the route you taunted me. Im going to stop settling for people who dont treat me right because you taught me that this is what I deserve. You taught me that this is the norm.
Im going to start loving everything you hated about me. Im going to start living for me without fearing your existence, your opinion, your judgment or your punishment. The biggest penalty for me was respecting and loving you. It brought me more pain than exhilaration. It brought me more difficulties than peace. It destroyed me instead of building me up .
Im going to soothed the storm you started within me. Im going to believe that I deserve to be happy and loved. Im going to see all the good things you failed to see in me. Im going to start taking care of my heart instead of allowing you to break it. Im going to pick up everything youve demolished and use it as a foundation to build myself up again . .
Im going to start over without you. Im going to repair everything you injury because without you, anything is possible. Without you , nothing can stop me.
Rania Naim is a poet and writer of the new book, available here.
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