I want you to know youre not alone.
Sometimes it feels like youre the only onethe only girl in the world who flits along the line of self-reliant and dependent, tender and tough, capable and yet still longing to be loved.
Theres nothing incorrect with being the type of woman who is comfortable in her own scalp, able to live their own lives her own way, perfectly fine constructing her own decisions, and yet, totally and altogether interested in finding a man to stand by her side.
Theres nothing incorrect with being the type of woman whos just fine when shes single, who doesnt a significant other to complete her, who doesnt feeling lost or purposeless outside of a relationship, yet still hopes to have one.
Theres nothing incorrect with being independent and strong-willed, determined and self-sufficient, and yet still love to love .
Sometimes the world makes you feel like you have to choose one side or the other. If youre going to be the independent female, then you have to claim your singleness, right? You have to be distant and removed. You have to walk around with this I dont need a man attitude, and shun any woman who dares to lower herself by letting person in.
And if youre the opposite, then youre the woman who has her relationship( s) as her central focus. The female whose emotions and decisions are was governed by love. The woman who is continuously changing and changing her life to accommodate a significant other and the dreams the two of them have together.
But neither of those sides feel right to you.
Because you are not the kind of woman who sees men as obstacles in your style. You dont wear your freedom as a badge on your chest, as an excuse to push humen out of your heart. But you dont feel like your life purpose is to be in a relationship, to fall in love, to have someone by your side all the time.
Sometimes the world induces those sides look like polar opposites, and when youre standing there, trying to figure out where you fit, neither side feelings healthy. Either youre so alone or so wrapped up in love, and even though you know thats not exactly how it is, you cant seem to find yourself fitting anywhere.
Youre not the only one who feels confident and proud of who she is and wants to guard that independence, yet still wants to find somebody to share her life with. Youre not the only one who values the parts of herself that have grown in her singleness, yet hopes to be in a relationship with a person who had permits her to bloom both together and separate.
You are an independent and strong woman who loves to love. You can stand your ground, construct your own selections, live your own life, yet you enjoy dating and being connected to another person. You are your best self when you are a little of bothself-loving and outward-loving.
And there is absolutely nothing incorrect with that.
You dont have to give up parts of yourself to fall into a relationship. You dont have to compromise your self-sufficiency, your strength, your sense of being merely to let person in. You dont have to feel tied down by your relationships, or that you are changing who you are just to love someone.
It possible to be the girl whos independent, and still depend on the guy she loves. It possible to be the woman whos strong, and even stronger with her human by her side.
So own who you are, how you love, the route “youre feeling”. What the world doesnt understand is truly how hard you have it. You live in a continual country of conflict. You long to be independent and powerful, but you crave the connection you are able to have with someone else. You want to live out your self-focused, self-driven existence, but at the same day, you want to share your world with another person.
You dont want to appear to be too selfish or self-centered, but you dont want to look feeble or dependent eitherits hard to be a strong, independent girl who loves to love.
But let this be a reminder that you are not the only girl who has this tension. You are not the only one who shifts back and forth, unsure of where she fits.
So own the parts of you that flit this line. Own the parts of you that love yourself, and the portions that love to love. Own the ways you are not like either side of the world, but have attained your own nook. Own the woman you are because there is nothing incorrect with her; she is a perfect mixture.
Marisa Donnelly is a poet and author of the book,, available here.
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