Wednesday Night

Alexa Mazzarello

I wish I had something more exciting to describe, but I just got out of the rain and am waiting for my tea to cool down. The tea is orange flavored. Its loose foliage and I always get grossed out by the feeling of swallowing tea with the little tea leaf particles at the bottom, so I usually merely drink about 75% of the beaker.

This reads very romantic in textbut do not be fooled; current realities is Im trying to suppress my nervousnes levels before taking my usual 10 mg of Melatonin( side note: is that too much Melatonin? Can you overdose on Melatonin ?).

One time I took these weird knock-off sleeping capsule right before my flight back to LA and passed out in my seat before the plane took off. Person woke me up to tell me the flight get canceled and they were kicking us off. I could barely walk around the airport because every time I blinked I felt like I was falling asleep. The taxi I got into to go back home crashed into another taxi 30 seconds after I got into it and I had to go find another one while half sedated. I believe I still have leftover knock-off sleeping pill in a drawer somewhere. I’m taking a flight to SF on Saturday.

Hm.

My mom gave me the mug Im drinking out of a little over a year ago when I moved into my apartment. The notion that Ive been here for over a year makes me wishes to screaming. I do this horrible thing to myself where, whenever I watch the time and/ or date, I instinctively check 😛 TAGEND

What was I doing an hour ago?

What was I doing 24 hours ago?

What was I doing a month ago?

What was I doing a year ago?

I think its me subconsciously trying to measure if Ive progressed or grown-up or truly done anything significant in the time that’s passed. Or maybe I’m just neurotic about period, as I am with everything elsenonetheless, its a NIGHTMARE, compulsive ticking of mine that induces me dwell on the past for several moments.

An hour ago: Decided, after eating a gyro too quickly while watching an episode of, to go to the gym downstairs. I guessed perhaps it would get some of my anxiousness out. I like running merely because I can daydream without being interrupted. Whatever cleaning product my house employs for the gym gives me a huge headache and also reminds me of my secondary school gym locker room( headache and memory are maybe related ).

24 hours ago: Oh, I was doing the exact same thing Im doing nowwriting something. I used to think I could write anywhere, but now Im wildly concerned I can only write when Im not wearing gasps and alone in my apartment. This sounds like the Dream Job for several people I know. I guess I would end up feeing too much on my own and also might shrivel up and combust if left without supervising.

A month ago: I went to go visit my friend in Mantoloking and spent the rest of the long weekend there. That feels like eternally ago. My roommate told me yesterday she sometimes feels like she lives here alone.

A year ago: Coincidentally, members of the public who gave me the tea Im currently drinking was staying in New York until mid-August, so I was probably with him. That does not feel like that long ago. I almost texted him this morning because I guessed I find an article in the about a eatery we had gone to together last August, but the article was about something else. I didn’t end up texting him.

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