You’re dating! I am so excited for you. It’s a beautiful, exciting, vulnerable place to be–unless you maintain satisfying guys who “turn out” to be weirdos and abusers. It shouldn’t be this way. If you find yourself in a pattern, that’s the great news! Because if it’s a pattern, that entails there’s a code. You can crack it and therefore find and attract better men.
Here are the top red flags to look for when dating 😛 TAGEND
1. He doesn’t immediately ask for what he wants.
He beats around the bush about asking you out. He induces cryptic sideways remarks. He utilizes he subtle crafty art of implication to commueate. For instance,” So does your boyfriend go operating with you ?” He indicates things or constructs passive-aggressive commentaries, however subtle, instead of just saying the damned thing straight up. If you continue dating this man, and down the road when you’re having a dialogue about the seriousness of your relationship, what kind of conversation do you want to have?” So, are you like insuring other people or something? I mean I don’t care or whatever …” OR” I’d like this to be exclusive .” When you need a real answer about how they feel, do you want a human who will be able to give a genuine answer? However endearing his “insecurity” might appear to be, it’s not cute. It indicates his inability to be direct and to identify his own emotions and intentions.
2. The insisting that he’s a” Nice Guy .”
If someone feelings the need to constantly voice that he is so laid back or so nice and friendly, he’s probably not. Nice Guys are people pleasers who absence integrity. Somewhere underneath his Nice Guy veneer is a person who really doesn’t know if he’s a “good person” and is constantly trying to prove it to others and to his own ego. This can also be indicative of an entitlement complex and a subconscious( or conscious) belief in patriarchal ideals: i.e ., if he is a man and you’re a woman, you owe him something, and/ or if he expends time or money, you especially owe him something.
3. His inability to answer questions that you ask him directly.
Test it out! Even if it’s a first date or you’ve only gratified. Ask a risky, pointed question … something that’s really on your mind, and watch his reaction. Does he react without thinking? Does it seem as though he’s trying to figure out what you want him to say? Does he seem uncomfortable as though he’s lying or glossing over? Men who are secure in their selves will take time to mull and answer frankly. They will give a direct answer and construct eye contact. If they don’t understand, they’ll seek lucidity. If they don’t know, they’ll say they don’t know.
4. He has expectations of you before getting to know you.
For example, if you don’t date him, you must at least be his friend. If you’re making out, he takes your clothes off first opportunity he gets. He expects sex if you get him. He expects your attention. He expects your time. Let’s be clear: If this human is someone whom you don’t know and you’re just becoming acquainted with, you don’t owe him shit. You shouldn’t have expectations of him, and neither should he of you. This is the exciting thing about dating! You’re coming to learn WHAT the expectations and borders are. If a man is testing your boundaries the first or second period you speak to him or go out with him…huge red flag. The testing of boundaries, as it is in children, will never end with this person.
5. An inability to listen or understand.
People who induce excessive small talk don’t know what types of questions to ask to get to know you. If he listens only for the sake of responding, he is not a strong communicator and will forever leave you feeling emotionally unsatisfied in a relationship. The easiest route to tell if someone has a genuine interest in you as a human being is this: When “youre talking about”, does he sometimes ask questions to gather more information about what you’ve just said, or does he always respond with statements about himself? Is there depth to the conversation, or does it feel like ping-pong?
The subtle styles people communicate instantaneously uncovers their ability to be in a healthy, meaningful relationship. Use analytical discernment combined with intuition. Be UNAPOLOGETIC in your refusal of people who give out bad vibes or are obviously weak communicators.
How do you stop attracting these people?
This is the most beautifully simple component: Be gentle but fierce in your “No.” Speak your bounds. Be honest. If he continues pushing your bounds, stand firm. This sends a clear and echoing “NO” to the universe, too. The topic the universe always sends back is,” If not this, then what do you want ?” Don’t get hung up on the fact that you were aroused and it turned out to be Visualize what you want, then let it go. It only takes a few good “no’s” before the universe will deliver a soul mate that you weren’t ready for when you kept entertaining these other guys.
You are worth being listened to. You are worth being respected. You are worth being treated like a human being. You are worth a man who is on your level and can communicate with you in a clean and direct way.
Now , no fuckings left for fuckboys…deal?
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