I was enough for a while. I don’t know what built me enough, but you had attained your decision. And then all at once, I wasn’t. I wasn’t enough for you. I wasn’t enough for your heart.
I wish I could have been enough for you. Was I too sensitive? Was I too much? Did I attain you feel small? Was I too opinionated? Was I too loud for you? Or was I too big to fit inside your tiny heart ?
The thing is, I was enough. I am enough. I always was. Perhaps you only couldn’t open up all the way to me. Perhaps you were blind to my brightness. Blind to my illumination and deaf to my music.
The hard proportion is all the questions I still have in my mind. The hard portion is dissecting at what point you decided that you needed something more. Something different. The hard part is always wondering why why why.
You said it wasn’t me. That it was just you and your intellect wanting to explore. Wanting to search for someone new. Wanting new lips to kiss. New bodies to lay next to. New hands to hold. You said it wasn’t me. But I’m still here wondering, what the heck I did to stimulate you run.
I’m still here writing about what or why or when. I’m still here not sleeping, my brain constantly on overdrive. What the hell did I do wrong? You said you loved me. So why was that not enough? Why was my heart not beautiful enough for you?
I could’ve given you the world. I could have given you my heart. I could have given you a better life. A life that wasn’t lonely or dark or scary. I could have held you when life got to be too much. I could have been your shelter. Your safe haven .
I could have been your home.
But all you did was turn away. All you did was step in and out, over and over again. All you did was dismiss my the issues and ignore my heart that was so close to being yours.
All you did was run from the one thing that could have been your forever.
I know I’m enough. I know my worth. I know that I deserved someone who actually wanted me. Who actually wanted to give me what I wanted to give them. I know what I deserved. I know what I could have had.
Instead I preferred you.
And still. I was never enough. I was never enough for you.
And I can’t stop asking myself….why ?
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