I want to date you, but I can’t be the only one putting endeavour into our relations. I can’t be the only one who initiates dialogues. The only one who plans to get together on weekends. The only one who dedicates a shit about whether we become closer or stay at the same distance.
I’m not going to chase after you anymore. I’m not going to daydream about what I should text you while I’m stuck at work. I’m not going to stare at my screen and wish that you would text me back after a decent quantity of time. I’m not going to expect you to give me the various kinds of treatment that I deserve after months of being neglected by you.
I know what you are willing to give me by now. Enough to keep me interested, but not to maintain me happy. Enough to make me feel like you care, but not enough to make me feel like you are committed. You have been giving me a little bit, but not even to the amount that I have been giving you.
Chasing after you hurts me more than it should. I cannot keep hanging onto the idea that we will get together when it’s becoming clear to me that we are never going to become a couple. We are never going to be anything more than friends.
Friends who flirt. Friends with chemistry. Friends who are highly attracted to each other. But somehow, still
As much as I love bantering backward and forward with you until midnight and hearing about how much you miss me and getting snaps of you lying in bed, I cannot maintain chasing when you are when I know that it isn’t going to lead anywhere. I know that I am never going to get what I want from you, because what I want is a real relationship that isn’t at all one-sided.
Even though I want to date you, I am not willing to rearrange my morals for you. I am not going to lower my criteria or my expectations. I am not going to accept less than I deserve because I can’t attain my impressions for you go away.
It’s going to be hard for me to ignore your texts. To stay silent instead of making a flirty statement. To defy the recommend to talk to you when I am fueled by late night beverages or my morning coffee. It is going to be hard work to erase you from my life. It is going to take a lot of endeavor on my part.
Of course, it is something that I have to do if I want to find happiness. I deserve more than you have been giving me. I deserve more than a one-sided love.
Even though I want to date you, even though I want you to be part of my future, I can’t keep chasing you. I have to walk away. I have to say goodbye.
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