This Is How We Could Have Made It

Chien Pham

We could have constructed it if I wasn’t born in a different continent, if we were from the same town, went to the same school, shared the same culture and the same dreams. We could have constructed it if we didn’t expend so much hour trying to explain to each other why we do the things we do or how we were brought up or joke about how our mothers wouldn’t even know how to speak to each other.

We could have induced it if I had been more practical. If I was more in control of my feelings and my feelings. If I didn’t feel everything so deeply. If I didn’t let my heart dictate my life. If my passion wasn’t the one thing that moved me. If I could just think a little more before I speak. I would have been more patient. I would have been calmer. I would have been closer to the kind of woman you want. The kind of woman who lets you take your time and your space. The kind of woman who doesn’t need to feel safe and secure so she could be herself. The kind of woman who may not know how to love but she understands men like you.

We could have built it if we had more faith in each other. We could have tried a lot harder. We wouldn’t have given up so easily. We wouldn’t have been okay with letting go and watching one another end up with other people. We could have induced it if she didn’t break your heart the route she did and stimulated you so guarded or if he didn’t leave me the route he did and built me panicked of making a move, terrified of rejection and terrified of my own feelings.

We could have induced it before our sorrow, before our trust issues and before we knew what it actually meant to suffer from loving the wrong person .

We could have built it in another world, another era, another world where the stars align for us and day is on our side and our hearts are fearless again. But in this world, in this life, in this reality, we can’t make it. We can’t beat the odds or fight for one another or love one another recklessly.

In this reality, we put run above anyone else. We listen to our parents even if we don’t agree. We’re more worried about what we might miss out on instead of cherishing what we have. We’re always meeting more like-minded and attractive people who help us move on and forget.

In this reality, you and I don’t make sense. Our love won’t build people smile. We’re not the exception. In this reality, you and I are better off dating other people or being alone. In this reality, magical doesn’t happen for us and we don’t get our happy ending .

In this reality, I have to call you a lesson or a mistake and be thankful for not winning your heart or giving you mine. In this reality, I’m forced to believe that this is for the better, that you and I would have destroyed each other. In this reality, I don’t think about what would happen if we built it. I don’t think about

In this reality, we don’t ask these questions, we don’t even try, we don’t rewind and start over. We move on. We date other people. We’re not allowed to miss one another. We pretend to be happy that things didn’t work out. We say goodbye without ever looking back.

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