You see yourself in the mirror and you tug and twist at everything you detest. You detest your belly rolls that seem to be a permanent part of you now. You detest the scars that cover your body from past fumbles and fallouts. You hate the style you are able to never be able to wake up and seem semi normal. You detest, loathe, hate.
You should be noted that grade on your paper and your SAT score, and you want to throw up. You worked your ass off. You examined until daybreak. But your rating says otherwise. Your grades say otherwise. You worked so tirelessly, and for what?
You look back on your past constantly, almost obsessively, beating up yourself up over what you did or didn’t do. You overthink and overanalyze what you could have done differently to change where you are right now. but you can’t change that. Just like you can’t change your heart .
It doesn’t matter if you’re twenty or fifty. We all have little and big things that we don’t like about ourselves , no matter how much we try not to. Even things that most people wouldn’t even notice, we hate it whether it’s the gap on our front teeth or our inability to build casual conversation not awkward.
It doesn’t matter if you’re Beyonce or if you work at a hot dog stand( like I once did ). We all have our insecurities. Our flaws that we don’t see as cute. And no matter how confident we are in our scalp, there will always be tiny things we want to change about ourselves, our scars, and our past. But, the working day, you’ll fulfill someone who will love those parts of you.
One day you’ll meet someone who won’t dedicate a crap about where you went to college. And if you didn’t going to see college? They will love that about you. They will love that you chose to take the unconventional route. That you chose to go against the grain.
One day you will meet someone who won’t want to the soft parts of you to go. They will see you scowl at your reflection and wrap their arms around you, telling you and promising you that you are beautiful. They will adore your body as it is, and wince whenever you call it ugly. Because to this person, your body will be the most sacred and beautiful on this earth.
One day, you are able to meet someone who won’t scowl and shake their head at your past. They won’t tell you that you were dumb or stupid for attaining those mistakes. They won’t stimulate you feel worse than you already do.
This person will love you for everything that you don’t love about yourself. They will love your past mistakes and mishaps. They will adore your extra loud laugh and the route you can eat more pizza than they do. They will love how when you’re nervous you bite your already too short fingernails and they will love your body , no matter how imperfect you think it is.
Most importantly, they will remind you every day that you are worthy of love for yourself. And they will remind you that you are still so incredibly lovable even after all this time.
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