I Stopped Apologizing For Who I Am And It Made All The Difference

Joshua Rawson-Harris

I stopped apologizing for my heart. I stopped holding back. I stopped trying to be cold or unemotional. I stopped pretending like I don’t have a heart that feels too much. I stopped trying to be stoic and decided to embrace every beat, every emotion, every feeling.  I stopped trying to mold my heart into what society expects it to be.

I stopped apologizing for my words. I stopped apologizing for saying the things that I was always afraid of saying. I stopped apologizing for telling the truth even if it hurts. I stopped apologizing for letting people know how much they hurt me or asking them to stay away from my life. I stopped apologizing for my voice. I started using it.

I stopped apologizing for my evolution and the person I’m becoming. I stopped apologizing for replacing my weakness with strength. For changing even if it doesn’t please people. For putting myself first. For finally loving myself the way I should have a long time ago. I stopped apologizing for my happiness.

I stopped apologizing for my pain. I stopped trying to hide it. I stopped trying to pretend like everything is fine when it’s not. I stopped letting people make fun of my heartbreak or my broken relationships. I stopped trying to  or romanticize my past. I stopped treating my pain like it’s not important.

I decided to feel it all. I decided to let myself bleed until the wounds heal themselves. I let my tears dry on their own. I stopped faking a smile to conceal the pain. I stopped trying to live a reality that’s not mine. I stopped apologizing for the ways I decided to heal myself. I stopped apologizing for the ways I chose to cleanse my soul.

I stopped apologizing for my imperfections. I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m a human being trying to find meaning, happiness, love and stability. The road will never be easy and smooth. People won’t always be kind and understanding. The universe won’t always give me what I’m asking for but the worst way to live is living when you’re hating every part of yourself. Apologizing every day for your emotions and your thoughts. Trying to change your core out of obligation not out of conviction. Lying to yourself so you can paint a pretty picture the world would buy.

I stopped living a lie. Life is not easy, but it gets easier when you stop apologizing for who you are. It gets easier when you become everything you’re supposed to be and more. It gets easier when you learn how to stop trying to fit in and start searching for where you

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