I’m done with comparing . I’m done seeing her body and instantaneously recognise every style it’s unlike my own. The way her waist seems so tiny and her breasts so large, the style her perfect hourglass figure fits in all of her cute expensive clothes just like the models we’re practically trained to look like, the ones our lives are bombarded by, feeling constantly pressured to change ourselves to appear more like them. Crunch like this so you can have her abs, contour your face like this so you can have her cheek bones, wear this lip gloss so you can have her pout.
What if I just want to feel okay being me? What if I’m done feeling like my body isn’t good enough, like my cheek bones aren’t high enough, and my lips are too thin ?
What if I’m done with appearing in the mirror considering only the things about myself I have to change, and listening to the voice that tells me I MUST change them? What if I’m done with not feeling good enough?
I’m done with feeling somewhat mediocre on a good day, and completely pathetic on the bad ones . I’m done thinking my life only means something if I accomplish specific thing at specific age. I’m done thinking just because someone else did, I should too. I’m done thinking that I should be planning a wedding, or nursing a new born only because she already has. I’m done with feeling like the point in my life I’m currently at is not where I’m to be. I’m done with letting other people’s benchmarks pressure me into thinking I have to reach them, and soon.
I’m done with reasoning I have to convince someone to love me . I’m done with endlessly trying to persuade them that I’m worth it, that the person I am is worthy of love. I’m done with having to convince myself of the same thing. I’m done with accepting love that is lower than I deserve, and I’m done with thinking that they’ll change and suddenly be willing to give it to me.
I’m done with putting my dreamings on hold . I’m done with not giving them a solid endeavour just because I suppose I’ll never reach them, or because someone doubted me along the way. I’m done with not giving them a chance, with thinking that I’m not talented enough to ever build them happen. I’m done with thinking that my dreams are something I’m not good enough to make reality.
I’m done with seeking approval . I’m done with infinitely wondering if this person likes me, or if the reason they don’t is because I said the wrong thing. I’m done with trying to stimulate people like me who only don’t. I’m done with feeling like the person that I am, my oddities, my flaws, my overall personality, has to be everyone. I’m done feeling like my options, my opinions, the way I live my life has to be approved by people I barely even know let alone truly care about.
I’m done with all of these things. I’m done with not feeling good enough. This year and every year.
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