Im Not A Project You Need To Work On

Daniel Apodaca

Just because I write so openly about sorrow and ache doesn’t mean I’m always broken, it doesn’t mean that I don’t know happiness or love or euphoria. I’ve experienced them all. I’ve moved on from my exes. I’ve healed from painful experiences. I’ve let go of the expectations I had and the people I was attached to. I’m not always transgressed. I’m not full of pain. I don’t need fixing so I can love again. I don’t need anyone to repair me.

I listen to sad ballads and write sad verse because I recollect what it’s like to feel this route. I remember the ache. I recollect easily what broke me and how I felt but trust me when I tell you that these memories don’t violate me anymore. These memories inspire me to become stronger, wiser and on my own. These memories are not an invitation for anyone to come fix me or look at me like I’m.

Look at the new and improved version of me. The girl who built herself up again. The girl who followed her dream. The girl who mended. The girl who moved on. The girl who somehow fixed herself and resurrected her heart and is ready to love again.

The truth is I’ve reached a point where I stopped letting people make me feel like I’m not good enough. I stopped defining myself by how they see me. I stopped letting another flawed human being with the same insecurities make me feel like I have a lot of work to do so I can measure up.

We’re all working on ourselves. We’re all trying to mend what we violated or what people violated in us. We’re all trying to mend from something or forget person and recollect our worth. So I don’t require anyone to fix me or tell me who I should be. I don’t want anyone to rush me either. I’m taking my time.
I’m enjoying this process. I’m growing in my own route. I’m draw lessons from my mistakes. I’m becoming the woman I’ve always wanted to be but didn’t know how. I’m starting to understand what each heartache was trying to teach me and where each downfall was trying to take me.

Because even when I’m broken, I don’t want to depend on anyone to fixing me. I need to learn how to fix myself over and over again .

I’m not a project you need to work on. I’m a human being with imperfections and I’ll always be this way. So me for who I am instead of trying to change the things that I’m already committed to changing and don’t look at me and think I’m broken beyond repair — look at me as someone who fought back, someone who combated her demons, someone who survived, someone who collapsed but woke up with renewed religion and hope. Someone who will always have the right to fix whatever tries to break her.

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