You walk through your days with your head low, hands balled into fists. Though “youre just trying to” feign this sense of confidence, you so often fall short. You’ve got it in your intellect that you must feign everything’s alright, put up this facade. So you close your eyes and take deep breaths. You do yoga, go on long walks, feed healthy food. You try to fill your intellect with positivity, try to let go. You swallow the world, to continue efforts to belly all that doesn’t feel right.
You fill and fill with everything temporary until you’re stuffed, but never satisfied.
You are desperate, so damn desperate to keep going that sometimes you run without even knowing the direction you’re headed. You long merely to feeling, to understand, to not have the pain weigh down on you anymore. But you’re so lost.
I consider the way you struggle to keep your head above water, to swim through the current of this life with grace and force. I see how you try to talk to people, to open, to speak without decision, to giggle instead of weep. But it’s so damn hard. You’re so damn broken.
I see how you keep getting back up, maintain believe, keep telling yourself that you will be okay, even in the depths of your intellect you barely believe it.
And I want you to know that God assures you, too .
Even in the depths, the mistakes, the chaos–God notices your pain. God hears your shouts. God loves, opens, and longs to pull you closer to Him. I know sometimes it feels like you’re in this alone, like you’re crying out to nothingness, like you’re pushing with no is expected to be carry you through.
I know sometimes it seems like your prayers will never be answered, like you’re deserving of all that’s gone wrong, or maybe that you’re not deserving at all and He’s simply abandoned you without care. He’s here.
Sometimes you simply won’t feel Him because you’re focused on what’s instead of. Sometimes you simply won’t hear Him because you’re listening to the voice in your own head instead of the truth He’s already set in motion. Sometimes He will be so far, when in reality, He knows every single wish, memory, believed, emotion, wrinkle, curve, and crease of your skin.
You are empty right now–emptied by the broken relationships you’ve been in, by the people who have left, by the way your heart is just so tired of feeling less-than-full. You have been running towards closed doors, trying to fill your body with cheap brew and meaningless kiss, with vices and longings that are merely temporary.
You are running from yourself.
But let God fill your emptiness. Let His love overflow you, overwhelm you.
Let His truth seep into your bones and His promises set your heart on fire. Let your beliefs be strengthened, your hope be renewed. Let your days become bearable, your muscles become stronger, your dreams be restored once again because you worthy of them. Of love. Of beginning again.
Let God prove you how He considers you–a beautiful, imperfect collecting of cells that is capable of overcoming every obstacle, with Him by your side .
Let God show you how incredible life can be when you let go and trust Him.
When you ultimately let yourself be filled.
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