I realized that my life will never be in perfect order and I will never be a morning person who wakes up and cooks breakfast for two but that won’t prevent me from trying to be a morning person who cooks breakfast for two. That won’t stop me from trying to break a habit for someone I care about.
I realized that I’ll always maintain changing my mind about things and people and myself. Some days, I will be my greatest fan, some days I will be my worst enemy and some days, I will struggle to understand myself but that won’t prevent me from assuring the best in someone and being there for them even if I don’t always ensure the best in myself. It won’t stop me from being consistent and present with someone else because I know how to fight my own battles without dragging someone along. I know when it’s time for love and when it’s hour for war.
I realized that I’ll never have the highest-paying task or the most beautiful home or the most supportive family. I know that I’ll never seem good’ on-paper’ but I’m not here for any of that. I’m here for a real connection and strong bond and I’m not interested in what various kinds of vehicle someone drives and how much fund they make or what their dad does for a living. I’m interested in their heart and the way they treat me. I’m interested in their personality, their character, the one that they are able to do whatever it takes to make ends meet, the one that will create the children and start a family and build a home.
I realized that I may never heal my broken heart and I may never forget the wounds or how much they hurt but that won’t stop me from risking another heartbreak with someone who moves my heart. It won’t prevent me from trying again, it won’t stop me from proceeding. Maybe I’ll be more cautious, perhaps I’ll be a little slower but I’ll never be completely out. I’ll never give up.
Love will always be the one force-out that I can’t actually control or stop and frankly, I don’t want to because a part of me still believes that my fairy tale is right there and it will come to me when it’s supposed to .
I realized that I will never be able to get over my childhood fears or insecurities. I will never be able to say that they don’t haunt me sometimes and make me feel like I’m not good enough. I will never be able to completely forgive my parents and I will never have a true instance to follow when it comes to raising a family but I know that I will be for my children everything my parents couldn’t be for me and I will build the most loving home for them and I will find someone who stays no matter how hard life gets.
You watch, I’m not ready for love at all, but I’ll always take a chance when it knocks on my doorway. I’ll always say yes and deal with the mess later. I’ll always be weak when it is necessary to love. It will always win and I’ll happily loses to it every time.
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