I am still fighting, but not as much as before.
I still fake giggles when I am out in public, but every once in a while some of those smiles are actually real. Some of those laughs aren’t forced. Sometimes, I experience brief explodes of happiness. The numbness hasn’t vanished altogether, but it leaves for a few minutes at a time, and that is better than nothing.
I still blame myself from time to time, but I am slowly turning that little voice inside my head into different kinds one. One that allays me. One that compliments me. One that is a friend instead of an enemy.
I still have days when I don’t feel like socializing, when leaving the house feels like an impossible chore, but I also have days when I am brave enough to step out of my consolation zone. I am amazing myself with how strong I can be, with how much I can accomplish if I.
I still overthink. I still worry about the past and the future, but now I am trying my hardest to enjoy the moment. I am doing my best to live in the instead of living in a constant state of anxiety.
I still want to spend the entire week in bed, but I am getting better at forcing myself out from beneath the sheets to start my day. I am always depleted, but I expend less period sleeping than I used to, because I know that time is precious.
I still dislike certain aspects of my life, but I am trying my hardest to create a better future for myself. I refuse to settle for the existence I have now. I am striving to reach something bigger, something better. I believe there are great things in store for me, but only if I put in the effort to achieve them.
I still have a hard time loving myself, but I don’t avoid the mirror anymore. I don’t treat myself like I am worthless anymore. I am slowly learning to accept who I am without wishing to be different.
I still feel like something is missing from my world, but I am actively trying to fill the hole in my life. I am going out more. I am saying more. I am trying new things. I am following my dreamings. I am putting myself out there for the first time in my life.
I still spend some time weeping inside of bathrooms, but now I am able to dry the tears after a breakdown. I am able to pull myself back up after I have fallen. I am able to snap myself back to reality instead of staying trapped in my misery.
I still have doubts about my future, but I also have hope. I genuinly believe I am going to be okay eventually. I am going to make happiness happen. I am not going to rest until I feel fulfilled.
I am still not okay, but I am doing the best that I can with what I have. I am working my ass off. I am never going to give up on myself.
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