Let’s face it: We all face ache at some phase in our lives.
Sometimes minuscule, sometimes excruciating, and sometimes all-encompassing, pain can throw us off course and redirect us to journeys we never expected. But according to a roundtable discussion on Red Table Talk with some pretty incredible females, that’s exactly how it should be.
Actress Jada Pinkett Smith, her daughter, Willow Smith, and her mom, Adrienne Banfield-Jones, discussed their experiences with ache and loss. And it was downright inspiring.
The girls get unbelievably real, from debates about mourning significant others to dealing with the death of a family member to using ache as a source of empowerment instead of a stopping point for chasing the inevitable pleasures of life.
Here are three gems from the unbelievably moving discussion:
1. Loss isn’t always about losing something or someone else .
As an actress, producer, mom, and wife, Pinkett Smith’s life gets fairly darn busy. She’s grateful for the depth of her career and the wonderful possibilities she’s had, but she is still human and still feels challenges, pain, and loss.
Pinkett Smith revealed that her greatest loss was the one person she needed most: herself .
She talked about the expectations placed on women — regardless of race, class, or career — and how those expectations can drain them . She went on to express her annoyance and the somewhat oblivious topics she would receive that were supposed to define how well she was doing in life.
“‘Are your children smiling? OK. Is your husband prospering? Good. Everybody else around you thriving? Then you’re doing a good job, Jada! ‘” But alas, Pinkett Smith wasn’t be thought that route. “One day I woke up, and I was withered, ” she said.
People owe it to themselves to give to themselves fully. If not, it’s entirely possible to lose yourself in the midst of all the directions you’re pulled. Pinkett Smith’s revelation is an all-too-real reminder of the importance of self-care.
Photo by Dia Dipasupil/ Getty Images.
2. Honest dialogues across generations can help everyone.
Willow Smith discussed a dark period in their own lives that led to cutting, a kind of self-harm. The other women were shocked to learn of this, and her grandmother remarked that things weren’t like this for young girl back in her day. But Smith and her mama quickly rebuffed that claim. “It was definitely happening. It only wasn’t coming to illuminate, ” they said.
Just because you can’t see people going through ache doesn’t mean it didn’t exist.
The conversation demonstrates just how important talking among generations is. While days change, ache and self-harm practises are ageless facts of life. Having open, honest dialogues across ages can illuminate some of these issues and help people heal and learn from one another.
3. Pain can be an opportunity for growth, renewed exhilaration, and necessary change.
Pinkett Smith spoke candidly about the death of her dear friend and former boyfriend, rap icon Tupac Shakur. He was murdered at merely 25 years old, and with his death, Pinkett Smith had lost someone she’d expected to be in their own lives eternally . “When I think about it, I still get really mad, ” Pinkett Smith told. “I get mad at God. I get mad at[ Tupac ]. I get mad at everybody.”
In spite of the natural ebb and flow of healing from a loss of that magnitude, Pinkett Smith been acknowledged that loss was a part of her track and that having someone in their own lives she felt that close to was an incredible experience in itself. “Amazingly enough, that loss actually brought me joy, ” Pinkett Smith told.
Photo by Rochelle Brodin/ Getty Images for Haute Living.
“I do believe that’s part of why pain exists . … That’s part of why loss exists, ” Pinkett Smith told. ” If we didn’t experience ache, would we really grow? Would we really appreciate joy ? Pain is a motivating factor to make a change in your life.” This isn’t to say you shouldn’t acknowledge and feel your pain, but you deserve a good and full life.
The candid conversation among these amazing girls devotes a lot to be considered. The key takeaway is that life’s challenges shouldn’t impede elation. People can use the lessons from pain and heartache to take life by the reins.